happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
