You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
