I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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