Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
