i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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