so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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