so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
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Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
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That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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