finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
