glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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