so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
