She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
try to milk me bitch
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