when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
