Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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