I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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