I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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