That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
