I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
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