there's paper in my vomit.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
