i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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