google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
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