I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize