Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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