You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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