You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Floor bacon is actually really good
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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