I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
