He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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