I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize