also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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