I feel like abortions should bother me more
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
we're so committed to being not committed
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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