i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Success! We fucked roommates!
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