idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize