just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
