i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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