i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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