My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
