did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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