Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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