covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
