good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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