3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
