I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
