im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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