I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
