I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
