Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
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