my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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