I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I just had sex on a roof
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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