I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
