Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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