$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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