It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
