Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
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