paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
whose ass print is on the piano?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
