sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
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Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
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Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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