all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
