Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
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Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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