no, he came in my armpit
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
My vagina just recognized that song.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
