Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Well I just put wine in my tea
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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