There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
