Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
