he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
