when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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