If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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