Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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