it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
He felt like a one man threesome
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
