PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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