I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I could fuck to npr.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
