ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
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She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
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I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
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